Over the past year, I have added over 20lb to my already 40lb overweight body. I am 5’1 at 186lb. When I first started college, I was 145lb and, even though I was still overweight, I was pretty happy with my body. Fast forward to my senior year and I have added over 40lb to my weight. For a long time, I was in denial. When I hit 160lb I was still mostly okay with how I looked and felt. At 165 I told myself okay I am going to get disciplined and lose the weight before it gets out of hand. Unfortunately, I have always been a lazy person so I never got disciplined and avoided the scale so I wouldn’t feel guilty. That was the biggest mistake I could have made.
Although I do not feel like I look good at almost 200lb, I am mostly worried about how my health is being affected. Lately, I’ve had issues like growing chin hairs and general exhaustion. I can’t even walk up a flight of stairs without breathing heavily for minutes afterward. I feel an increase in urgency because the older I get the less my body is able to recover from abuse and the greater my chances of serious chronic illness. Because of these things I have decided to get myself back on track. Writing this blog will help me become a more healthy weight by holding me accountable. I will also be able to vent my struggles and celebrate my successes.
I hope that by this time next year I will be a functional adult with a healthy body.
Yesterday I was eating so well until I realized that I had a box of cake mix in my kitchen. Usually, I am too lazy to get up and make something so labor intensive but last night I made that cake. I had cake for dinner and this morning for breakfast. I’ve justified this to myself by saying I am removing one more temptation from my apartment but really I could throw it away just as easily.
I’ve noticed that this is a pattern for me. I cut down on my sugar. I eat mostly foods that I can find on the edge of the grocery store. Then there is a birthday party or I’m having dinner with a friend and I say this is okay I will just eat in moderation and get back on track later. Spoiler alert: I never do. I take home leftovers and devour them the same night and keep pushing back restarting my diet until it’s a year later and I am pounds heavier.
One small break from my diet causes me to grossly overeat and to eat terrible foods. I’ve come up with a new plan to prevent myself from succumbing to this problem again.
- Writing This Blog. This is keeping me accountable and after I post this I will throw the rest of that cake away. (That was not my plan before I began writing)
- Delayed Gratification. I refuse to never eat cake or ice cream again but I will only allow myself to indulge after three weeks stretches of good eating until I prove to myself that I have self-control.
- Removing Temptation. I will remove every item in my home that has added sugar and replace them with fruits and sweet vegetables(Corn!Carrots!)
- Smaller Meals. I grew up in a large household so I only know how to cook for families. I will learn to cook smaller meals so I do not eat a week’s worth of food in a couple days.